insidebuzz : confessions of a future child star

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Stumbling sober into adulthood

Today is Fat Tuesday - or rather, was Fat Tuesday. Years past, that meant gathering up the entourage and heading to some bar to drink, collect cheap beads, and look at boobs. And to celebrate something called Mardi Gras.

As I get older, I find myself thinking, "well, it is a school night, and I could always go out on the weekend." See, I've rationalized to myself that I should get to bed early, so I can get up and go for a run. You know, because I'm not getting any younger.

Was I ever getting any younger? And when did running become a priority over boobs? I've been on Bourbon Street. Three times. I have seen the promised land. I have seen many a boob. How and when did I lose my way?

These are questions of science that plague Man.

10:49 PM |

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Goodbye, Mr. Furley

Thanks for the memories. Say hello to Jack Tripper for us, in that Regal Beagle in the sky.

12:50 PM |

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Called out

Seems as if I have committed the ultimate blogger foul: The Double-Post. I have left it unaltered for your amusement, and for your sympathy at the state of my own stupidity.

Yes, I could sit here and tell you how it's Blogger's fault, and swear up and down that it didn't look like that last night. But, really, who gives a shit? This is a stupid blog that no one reads. Except for me. On occasion. And you, when you're bored. Sucker.

As for the "friend" who called me out, here is the exact MySpace transcript of how it all went down:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mysti
Date: Feb 23, 2006 4:50 PM

It's really special of you to post today's blog twice. Those of us who didn't get it the first time thank you.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jason
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:29 PM

I did? LOL I'm an idiot.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mysti
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:32 PM

I'm glad you said it and I didn't.

Though, I guess I did, in a round-a-bout, slightly-to-the-left-of-discreet way.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jason
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:38 PM

I see how it is. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mysti
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:40 PM

Are you sure? I think it would be amusing to see you angry. I've never heard you raise your voice.

Go ahead. Get angry.

I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU TO DO'S IT.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jason
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:45 PM

I will end you. I am blogging all of this.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mysti
Date: Feb 23, 2006 5:47 PM

Don't you push me, Burns. I have more blogs than you! I have the blogging advantage!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jason
Date: Feb 23, 2006 7:04 PM

That's it. You're being re-posted.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mysti
Date: Feb 23, 2006 7:08 PM

As Kid Rock has clearly pointed out this week, such a re-posting, as you call it, would violate trademark laws and privacy issues.

I WILL sue you for all 5 cents that you're worth.

7:22 PM |

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hey, Steinbrenner... "shut it up."

Remember how he popped off after Ozzie Guillen made comments regarding A-Rod's choice of team for the World Baseball Classic? Well, now George has predicted that his New York Yankees will win the World Series this year.

Funny, I seem to recall them losing 11 of 19 last year... to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Not to mention the fact that his team isn't even the best team in New York anymore.

Yankees suck.

10:16 PM |

Hey, Steinbrenner... "shut it up."

10:16 PM |

Monday, February 20, 2006

Save Love Monkey!

Sign here!

7:22 AM |

Sunday, February 19, 2006

One-armed desk chair

It sits there at the curb, waiting. Maybe for a new owner, a new lease on life. Maybe for death.

Maybe it will join other desk chairs. Chairs of every style, function, and color. Each with his - or her - own handicap. Missing an arm. A leg. A caster. A rip in the fabric from a stitch in time.

This chair has had a good run, logging many ass-hours in some loving home or office. Or maybe not. Perhaps its 300lb. owner didn't treat it that well to begin with. Maybe the chair never quite measured up to some hefty standards. Thus, the missing arm; the sidewalk exile.

Will the chair reach some other level? A chair afterlife? No one knows for sure. If it does, and there are others, oh the stories they will tell. The things we did to them, in them, on them, around them.

We often wonder what would be said of us if walls could talk. I think it's the chairs we have to worry about.

9:14 PM |

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Now, where did I park my car?

Margaritas, beer, and Jack Daniels should never been consumed in one evening. At least not by the same person, without eating dinner. But, these things happen when you're on the way home from work and you get a call from your brother, slurring something about drinking at Ernie's Taco House since 2PM. The same brother, who hours later, winds up on the phone in a closet on top of his own dirty laundry. In L.A., we call this "Friday night."

1:29 PM |

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The sound of shattering

I sit at the light at Fulton and Magnolia, watching life unfold in slow-motion. I don't know who is at fault - maybe they're both distracted by something else. An e-mail, or a phone call they never expected to get. Or never wanted to get. Two separate worlds unaware of each, colliding in one horrible moment, inches in front me. I laugh with God, as I thank him for being spared, while musing together about the irony of my own lunchtime trip to the car wash. I'm trying to sort things out. But, all I can do is sit here.. brakes on, blinker on.. thinking. Why am I always the guy before the guy? Is it that I'm not good enough? Or did she realize that I am, and settle for the next one to come along and ask? Why would someone who never settles, start now?

Better question...

Would I be sitting here at the light, blinker flashing, eye welling up, if I had asked her in the first place?

I'm eternally thankful for those that have come back into my life. And those who never left. It's an unexpected hand when you can't seem to find your footing.

Still, it hurts to breathe today.

7:10 PM |

Monday, February 13, 2006

Valentine's Eve

Apparently, I am the Airport Bitch. You know, the guy who drops off and picks up for everyone and his brother?

Friday night: Drop off Claire, LAX
Monday morning: Drop off Heather, Van Nuys
Monday midday: Pick up Claire, Van Nuys
Wednesday midday: Pick up Chris, Burbank

Up until a year ago, I only knew one of those people, and for that one, I can blame my parents.

With Valentine's Day rearing its head again tomorrow, I pause for reflection. It's odd, really.. the many stages of Valentitis...

STAGE ONE: New Relationship. You count the minutes until the next time you see them, talk to them, smell them. You surprise them with reservations at the most romantic spot in town. Sex is a given. Several times. Several places.

STAGE TWO: Advanced Relationship. You're not nearly as nervous about screwing this one up, because you're comfortable. You're both content with dinner at home and a romantic comedy. Sex is likely. As long as there's foreplay.

STAGE THREE: Mature Relationship. You have to buy candy, flowers, and something shiny because you're still in the doghouse for screwing up last year. You have Chinese delivered, because "restaurants are crazy on Valentine's Day." Sex is possible. As long as there's wine, porn, and talk of Angelina Jolie.

STAGE FOUR: No Relationship. Get drunk and order pizza. Sex is a one-man show.

Happy Valentine's Day.

11:58 PM |

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Ribs. I had ribs for dinner. That's why I'm doing this.

Today was perfect. Sunshine and 85 degrees. Beats the 2 feet of snow they got back East. Even my Dad and brother said it was in the 30s today... in Florida. Wacky. So, to rub it in, I threw on shorts and a T-shirt and headed for Griffith Park. I hiked close to 3 hours today, so I know I'll feel it tomorrow. Capped it all off with BBQ and beer over at Greg and Dave's. Perfect day. Bode Miller only wishes he was this perfect.

11:23 PM |

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Scandal!

Here it is... the shocking photo of Britney Spears and her baby fleeing the paparazzi!

Death to Denmark!!! Death to the Enemy!!! Buckle up for safety!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:04 PM |

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

What's with Today, today?

Mysti has decided to call me out for not blogging crap since Friday. According to my records, she hasn't blogged crap since Thursday. And that, was about some gay cowboy movie. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Saturday I hiked for a few hours along the Sunset Ridge Trail in Altadena. Good leg workout, as it's a decent incline with plenty of switchbacks and lots of loose rock. I lost it twice. Felt good to get dirty again - without the awkward cuddling.

Saturday night a group of us headed to Vanguard. It was empty at 10pm. It was packed at 10:15. The girls spent the night bitching about the unfair female-to-male ratio. I spent the night getting my embarrassing white boy freak on. The DJ was insane. Hip hop, dance... even busted out Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder. Or was I just dreaming that? Reminded me of times in Tallahassee, spent at places like Clyde's, Metropolis, Brothers, Fat Tuesday, Echo... Some of those places don't even exist anymore. Not that I would remember where they were anyway.

I swore I wouldn't drink anything at Sunday's Super Bowl party. OK. One beer. Just to balance myself out. Maybe two. Oh, wait... the game sucks, the halftime show sucks, and the commercials suck. Yeah.. let's get drunk and head to Yankee Doodle's.

Monday, we sleep.

Finally got to the doctor today, to find out why I'm dying. Monkeypox? Malaria? Cooties? Nope. Just your run-of-the-mill Santa Ana-induced sinus infection. And, I got drugs out of the deal. Only fair, considering the $3 I had to pay to valet my car. AT THE HOSPITAL.

I love L.A.

10:10 PM |

Friday, February 03, 2006

Fire it up

I'm taking it easy tonight. I'm supposed to go to Vanguard in Hollywood tomorrow night after my day hike. Then, on Sunday, a Super Bowl party. Possibly Fox and Hounds again on Monday. So, tonight, we relax.

Lately I've had a lot on my mind, besides what acting class to take, and the impending Holy War facing Earth. I've been thinking about Detroit, a place I've never been, but one with which I have always had an odd fascination. It's old. It's full of history. Most of it is burned out and abandoned. I dig that. I'm really into architecture, especially when it comes to old city centers of major American cities. Hey, you have your thing; I've got mine.

There is a growing trend of urban exploration sweeping the country. Daring fools who slip under cover of night to penetrate the most forbidden places, armed with a flashlight, a camera, and a huge set of balls. Awesome.

I've been thinking more about Detroit than usual this week because of Super Bowl XL. I just stumbled about detroitblog, and I love it. You should too. It's an account of life in Detroit, as seen through the eyes of a Detroiter.. Detroit-en.... Detroitonian.... whatever. Someone from Detroit.

11:06 PM |

Thursday, February 02, 2006

"It's great to be back in Studio City tonight!"

Just got back from Fox and Hounds. They had live music tonight.

Ever feel like you just walked into a garage band rehearsal?

Awkward. Stings the nostrils.

1:18 AM |

...:::about

This is the true story of a radio personality who quit his job, packed up his things, and moved to L.A. to live his dream. Welcome to the official account of life on Earth, as seen through the eyes of Jason Burns... Actor, Writer, and Jackass.

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