insidebuzz : confessions of a future child star

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Recap

Here's a quick summary of tonight's State of the Union speech/debate/spin session:

President: Blah, blah, blah.. stay the course.

Republicans: Yeah, what he said.

Democrats: Whatever.

9:13 PM |

Justice

"Any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people. People bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something."

Congratulations to everyone behind the scenes of Crash. Six Academy Award nominations for a film that looked to be all but left out in the cold. Will it be able to climb the Mountain? We'll find out March 5th.

I wish I knew how to quit blogging you.

8:48 PM |

Monday, January 30, 2006

Suck it, Paris

Nominations for the Razzies are in. Props to the nominating committee on this one, with all the crap movies that have been coming out. Paris Hilton has finally gotten recognized for what she really is: overexposed. She snagged herself two nominations, worst supporting actress for "House of Wax" and most tiresome tabloid target.

7:26 AM |

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Semitism & Semantics

I try to keep up with what's going on in the world. You know, big stories, like Brokeback Mountain getting shut out at the SAG Awards, what the Tampa Bay Devil Rays will be called if they change their name, and the age-old favorite, Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Found this snippet from CNN amusing:

"The European Union -- like the United States and Israel -- lists Hamas as a terrorist organization. The group has carried out numerous terrorist attacks that have killed hundreds of people. Its charter denies Israel's right to exist and calls for its destruction."

If you deny that something exists, how can you call for its destruction?

Amateurs.

11:29 PM |

Happy New Year... again

Last night I went to a party to ring in the Chinese New Year. Year 4703 is the Year of the Dog.

The celebration is similiar to that of New Year's Eve that most of us know. There is drinking. A lot of it. But there is also a lot of spicy food. I'm not sure what any of it was or what it was called, but, I tried it all. And man, do these people gamble. At one point, there were 3 packed tables, each with a different game. It felt like Vegas... because they all kept taking my money.

Anyway, "Fu" you in the New Year. (Fu means luck.)

11:01 PM |

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Congratulations, Bode Miller

I could see calling out Barry Bonds, I mean, who hasn't? But Lance Armstrong? Has your drunk, skiing ass lost your mind? You just joined an elite club of athletes who couldn't keep their yap shut. Apparently, you never listened to your mother.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

You're lucky. You're only getting roasted on TV and radio. Had my brother or I done that, we'd be sitting under the kitchen counter with a fresh bar of Dial lodged between our molars.

Better win Uncle Sam some shiny new hardware in Torino, or say hi to John Rocker on the way down.

By the way, why is the flag upside down in your picture?

Jackass.

12:23 AM |

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I have GV

There are many excuses we use as to why we don't do things. Too tired. Too broke. Too far out of her league. But the one slackness I have perfected as an art, more than any other slackness in my life: Gym Avoidance (which I like to call Gymvoidance or GV). It's not a term to be taken lightly, as it holds a firm grip on millions of Americans every day. It's not a phobia - it doesn't mean you're afraid of the gym, or what may happen when you go there. GV is the lack of motivation to walk out the door and go at all.

"I won't find parking."

"I don't have the energy."

"My favorite shorts aren't clean."

It's not funny. It's a serious affliction that takes root early in your childhood, and follows you to the day you wake up on the couch, watching Wheel of Fortune, thinking, "Shit... I'm fat. I should make nachos."

I had a bad outbreak of GV today. In fact, I wasn't even planning on going to the gym. I had planned on getting up early to go for a nice run. I got up at 6:30, had a cup of coffee, and hopped online to wake up. There it was. A post from Mysti about K-Fed's new song. I was hooked. Not on Cletus, but the site. I must have spent an hour watching random videos from random idiots on YouTube. Thank you, Mysti, for worsening my fragile inactive condition.

Cool site though. Even if Mr. Spears is getting pub. What a dipshit.

9:56 PM |

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Wayne a minute...

If you, like me, dig the new show Love Monkey, you already know that singing sensation Wayne is played by newcomer Teddy Geiger. Looks like my slacker blogger/Kato Kaelin obsessor/one-time co-worker with a strange otter fetish/lifetime friend Mysti has herself a lil' interview. She likes Wayne - er - Teddy, in a very unnatural, illegal way. But it's probably a phoner, so no need to panic.

And by the way, Mysti, posting a blog with nothing but linkage does not count. You are merely clogging up the Internets with endless clutter, of which, we already have quite enough. Thank you.

Much love.

8:42 PM |

Monday, January 23, 2006

Stays in Mexico

So, I went to Tijuana this weekend, and somehow, I felt like I was 14 years late to the party. The drinking age there is 18, which meant that we were surrounded by children. Children who couldn't hold their liquor, or hold up their pants. Very amusing.

Not amusing was how bad the drinks were. That's what we get for paying a cover where all drinks are included free. I'm not even sure how our group got in the first bar... Apparently, it has an 18-21 year-old only age limit. But, we did get to show the kids some dance moves with the help of Daddy Yankee's Gasolina. Yes, we were 'those old people.'

Spent Sunday driving around Mexico and hanging out in Puerto Nuevo near Rosarito. Lobster, beer, and NFL playoff football helped to correct the tequila imbalance from the night before. Then, we spent several hours getting lost and asking for directions to the border, which - scary enough - is way too easy to get across.

The weekend was great, and I got to cross something else of my list. Plus, none of us were mugged or arrested, which is always a nice bonus.

7:25 AM |

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Last call

Went to dinner with some friends in Pasadena last night, which was going well, until we wound up in the bar. Four of the guys there went to school at Arizona.

Guy #1: Yeah, but I was on the 5-year plan.

Me: Me too... Here's to the 5-year plan!

(laughter)

Guy #2: Where did you go to school?

Me: Florida State

All: What happened to your football team?

The funniest moments came later. After people started taking off, only 4 of us remained. Two guys and two girls. Two single women, visibly intoxicated, enter stage right.

Drunk Girl #1: How old are you guys?

Guy #1: I'm 31.

Drunk Girl #2: What about you?

Me: 32.

Drunk Girl #1: Wow! On my God!!

Me: Is that bad?

Drunk Girl #2: No! Not at all! We were just wondering if they were any good guys our age left in this town. So what's your name?

Gotta hand it to them. The ladies had balls.

5:00 PM |

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Transamerica

Felicity Huffman did a great job of convincing me that she was a man trying to be a woman. But, I could have done without seeing her junk during the potty break on the side of the road.

9:59 PM |

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Love Monkey? I Do.

Just caught the new CBS show Love Monkey starring Tom Cavanagh... This is a great show! It's revolves around the single life of a record rep, which, in the radio biz, we sometimes call "record weasels." These are the guys or girls that take the radio station's Program Director or Music Director - or both - out on the town for dinner, drinks, and usually, a few lapdances. (In most cases, from a professional dancer, not the record rep. Although, some of those guys do get a little dazed and confused when they start hitting the sauce). All in the name of getting some play. Airplay for their crappy record, that is.

I have to admit, I never really got into Ed, but Cavanagh is hilarious in this. And the writing is great. By the way, how hot is Ivana Milicevic?

Damn, son. Add another "protected event" in the Dish PVR.

I love technology.

8:51 PM |

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I went to Supercuts, and all I got was hair on my lousy T-shirt

I got butchered after work today. I haven't had my hair cut this short in a long time. I would take a picture and show you. But, either you've seen it look this bad before, or, you don't know me, and you don't really care. Come to think of it, neither do I. It's just less shampoo I have to use.

Got some new books in the mail today from Amazon. It's the first time I've ordered something from them that has actually been processed and delivered. Cool. I bought Judy Kerr's Acting is Everything: An Actor's Guidebook for a Successful Career in Los Angeles, and How to Get Arrested by Michael J. Wallach.

I started reading Arrested today, which is only 98 pages long with a font big enough for 4-year-olds to read. It's great, though. It follows Dick and Jane, two actors who leave New York to find work in L.A. Jane is a real go-getter as soon as she hits the ground, while Dick is a lazy, beer-drinking slacker. I wonder which I will turn out to be? I'm only on page 49... For some reason, I couldn't stop laughing when I got to the end of the chapter:

"Jane wants to hear more about managers and they decide to have coffee in the commissary. This makes Dick very happy."

I am such a child.

11:52 PM |

Golden

Golden Globes announced tonight - er - I guess, yesterday. Bareback Mountain won something, I think. Had a few drinks. I am still being razzed about not seeing it. But, I did find a shorter, alternate version on iFilm:

CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT.

That is good stuff. I mean, who doesn't like horses, ya know?

Here's an interesting observation: The girls at the party kept talking about actors who they thought were gay. Suddenly, I realized that every successful, handsome male actor in Hollywood is perceived as being gay. Why is that? Then I thought: which would be worse? For women to think I was handsome and gay? Or women to think I was ugly and straight? I guess I don't really have a choice either way. I'm straight, and I look how I look. Like Michelob... some days are better than others. Especially when I haven't had a haircut in a while.

??????

I'm not even sure I'm making any sense. Don't drink and blog, kids. Especially after an awards show.

12:06 AM |

Friday, January 13, 2006

In the wings

Nervous.
Excited.
Suspect.
Moving again.
Not from here...
Moving There.

I am not pregnant. I am not drunk.
I am rehearsing for war.
A series of battles I may win or lose,
With an army of myself.
It's coming. I don't know when.
I'm waiting for cue. Waiting for me.

There is The List.
The things unwritten.
They loom. They mock.
They bait.
Waiting to eat me alive -
They won't.

I am ready,
Whether I'm Ready or not.
I will face Them and grin
With pragmatic abandon.
I can't be broken.
Except by myself.

Except by myself.

9:16 PM |

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Things not to do when job hunting....

I know people like to put their resumes online, but, c'mon... this is ridiculous.

10:10 PM |

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's who you know

I spend all day on computers. Typing. Cutting and pasting. Staring off into them as if I could see right into the vast depths of an uncertain future. Come to think of it... that's what I do at night, too. But, tonight was different. Tonight I sat down to do what I always say I'm going to sit down to do: NETWORK.

(I typed 'network' into the Webster search engine in Firefox so that I could include something witty about its definition. I got: "a system of lines or channels resembling a network." Thanks, Webster. You are a moron. But, I'm sure you had many leather-bound books, and that makes you kind of a big deal.)

In all, I sent out about 15 industry-related e-mails. Pretty much a New Year's 'whatup?' to some peeps. I feel decent about it. Although, according to my list of 101 things in 1001 days, I still need to make at least 10 new contacts. Baby steps, kid.

Baby steps.

12:03 AM |

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I will end you, John Mayer

I think I finally have my guitar tuned. It's been a long time since I've played any musical instrument, so my ear is a little rusty. But, It's starting to come back to me. Reading music is starting to look familiar. It should, since I did it for so many years. I got some good practice in on my fingering, although I doubt my neighbors wanna hear me butcher Skip to My Lou.

Actually, they probably don't want to hear Skip to My Lou at all.

But, they will. For better or for worse. I can already tell my fingertips are getting sore. Eventually, they will get callouses. The ladies love callouses. Ya heard?

11:35 PM |

I hate Internet Explorer

I just spent all this time trying to redesign this site, and it looks pretty cool in Firefox. But, of course, it looks like ass in IE. Go figure. If you haven't tried Firefox yet, I just switched, and I'm sold on it. Download it here.

Anyway, I'm trying to learn CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), which is supposedly the hot new thing in web design. I don't know... I'm just some guy with a computer who is still up at 3 in the morning and who knows just enough to be dangerous.

What a nerd. How did I not get beat up more?

2:50 AM |

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Whammy

Your attention, please. The bandwagon has reached its final destination. For your safety, please exit the wagon in a slow, orderly fashion. Another bandwagon will arrive shortly. Thank you.

10:08 PM |

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

We belong

One of the great bowl games in college football history ended in triple overtime tonight.

Florida State lost the Orange Bowl. But we won the future.

11:38 PM |

Enough

Anyone else tired of the Rose Bowl hype? Jesus.

"It's going to be the biggest game in bowl history."

"These are the two greatest teams to ever face each other on the gridiron."

"This game is the final frontier in which we will witness a monumental rift in the sports-time contiunum."

Shut up already. You 'experts' and 'analysts' at ESPN, ABC, Fox, etc. are causing me great consternation. Whatever that means. The neverending sports babble and giddy prognostication makes me want to throw my TV out of a third floor window. But, I can't. It's too heavy. And we only have one floor.

Bottom line is... SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

We've known for weeks that USC was going to play Texas for the title. I don't need to be reminded during every other pregame, halftime, postgame, primetime, commercial, or news break. I don't need you to tell me how good the Trojans are and how many games in a row they've won.

34.

I don't need to be reminded how Vince Young is the star of Texas and how many games it's been since they lost.

19.

I don't find it fascinating when you match up the 2005 Trojans with, say, the 1979 Crimson Tide. WTF???? Are you that desperate for material? Can't you just do another piece on the great dynasties of USC and Texas and tell us about their legendary coaches?

John McKay. Darrell Royal.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least there were some decent games today. By the way, what's up with them surprising that chick and flying her boyfriend in from Iraq to propose on live TV? That has a 50-50 chance of going well. Lucky for them, she said yes.

Morons.

(This Nokia moment of bitching has been brought to you by Toyota, and made possible by Tostitos, Doritos, Cheetos, and Dr. Pepper. Please, consume responsibly.)

12:24 AM |

Monday, January 02, 2006

The L.A River lives

Day 3 of Rainfest here in sunny SoCal. Is this what winter is like here? I had to go to work briefly this morning, and half of the intersections were nearly impassable. I decided to get groceries on the way home. Apparently, the best time to go shopping is during a monsoon, because most sensible people stay home. It's so bad here, I passed 2 Radio Shack guys playing with a remote-controlled hovercraft in the parking lot. I'm just surprised I haven't seen anyone on a raft yet. So, yet another day wasted indoors.

Oh, who I am kidding - I'd be home watching the bowl games anyway.

By the way... what the hell was former FSU quarterback Chris Rix doing as a sideline reporter at the Cotton Bowl? Guess he wasn't as good a quarterback as he thought.

12:19 PM |

...:::about

This is the true story of a radio personality who quit his job, packed up his things, and moved to L.A. to live his dream. Welcome to the official account of life on Earth, as seen through the eyes of Jason Burns... Actor, Writer, and Jackass.

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